Granted these students are from Berkeley, and I will have more to say about that later, but this killed me. Literally, I'm texting this from my grave as I roll over. I shouldn't be too harsh, though. Everything important I've learned about history was after college.
Customer, on a Saturday afternoon: Are you open on Saturdays?
Me: Excuse me?
Customer: Are you guys open on Saturdays?
I look around the open-for-business lobby and squint, suspecting a trick.
Me: Yes.
***
Customer: Do you still sell 2-cent stamps?
Me: Yes.
Customer: How much are they?
Me, pausing: How much are 2-cent stamps?
Customer: Yeah.
Me, another short pause: 2 cents.
***
Customer: I want to send this the fastest cheapest way.
Me: You realize that those are usually mutually exclusive?
***
Customer, noting our sign that says to wait for the next available clerk, looks up and says: Are you available?
Me, not being able to resist: Well, I'm married, but I'd be happy to help you.
***
Me: Would you like a tracking number or insurance for loss or damage on that?
Customer: No, it's fine.
Caleb prints the postage and adheres it.
Customer: Maybe I should get a tracking number.
Caleb *sighs inwardly*
***
Postal Carrier: Do you know how to work the DVD player in the back?
Me: Yeah.
Carrier: Do I have to push in the tray for it to play?
Me, slowly: Yeah....
Carrier: On a tape it just saves your spot and you can rewind and fastforward. Do DVD's do that?
Me: Well, most DVD's have a chapter menu you can go instantly to any spot with as well as FF and RW. Some players also remember where you were on the disc and resume from that position.
Carrier: uh-huh.
Yes, he delivers your mail.
***
You may know about Forever Stamps. They were introduced a few years ago. They say forever on them and are always worth and sold at whatever the current first-class stamp price is. A simple name, right? Easy to remember? No. Here is our list of what these stamps have been called when requested by customers. Usually they pause in asking, thinking of what they are called. We, knowing full well what they are going to ask for, wait anyway, looking forward to hearing the strange name that they will inevitably come up with:
In Perpetuity Stamps (this from a professor at WSU)
Everlasting stamps
Eternal stamps
anytime stamps
freedom stamps
perpetual stamps
liberty stamps (close, they have the Liberty Bell on them)
never-expiring stamps (you gotta watch those expiration dates)
forever young stamps (so close!)
any price stamps (no just the one price)
forever and ever stamps
adjusting stamps (actually fairly accurate)
All stamps (?)
whatever stamps (this one is creative)
timeless stamps (how romantic)
never-go-bad stamps
As discussed by prophets, Apostles, and members of the Seventy:
To those who have seen "Serenity," you know that that special hell is, in part, reserved for those who talk in the movie theater. At work, I have discovered it includes more:
People who ask me to tape up their box. Watch me do it. Then make me reopen it because they forgot to put something in it.
People who send their letter or package, pay for it, then on the way out the door work up enough courage to ask questions about what they just did. (i.e. will I get notification back on that? Is that insured? Will you mark that as fragile?)
People who come in, look around at the empty lobby and say, "Well, this is a first!" "What happened to all the people!" This wouldn't be so bad if it didn't happen every hour, and everyone said the EXACT same thing! I am sometimes hard pressed to respond with civility and pretend that it is, indeed, a shock, and not the obvious result of an economic depression. How many years into the 30's did it take for people to not be surprised that a bad economy meant no one was buying anything?
People who lie to me, saying they are sending a book and want the media rate, when I can hear a box full of golf balls.
People who try to bypass the line because they "just have to buy a stamp."
People who fill out the addresses on a padded envelope only to discover that it's not big enough to send their book, and have to get a larger one.
People who insist on borrowing my tape gun instead of letting me do it, proceed to cut themselves deeply and bleed all over my counter and their package.
Annoying, 60-ish, ex-military (I think) woman with short hair and no makeup: "why are you looking so old an tired today?"
Caleb: "Excuse me?"
Woman: "Right here around your eyes, really baggy and wrinkly."
She obviously hasn't looked in the mirror recently.
Caleb: "That's kind of rude."
Woman: "Well you know me."
Caleb: "Yes, I do."
****
In other news, I have been called as Ward Organist. Now, if only I'd ever played an organ....
Apparently, the bishopric was unperturbed when I pointed out that at least a dozen members played better than I, and that if those members were unable or unwilling to dust off their talents, and the bishopric was okay scraping the bottom of the barrel, then I would be happy to attempt a new talent, and that after hearing me, they were free to release me anytime after the Spirit is dissonantly driven out of the meetings.....we'll see I guess.
Who decided it was a smart idea to play notes with your feet! Idiots.
****
In other news, I got an email from a girl I baptized on my mission. She was a worker in a camera and watch shop, and since she was single we didn't really want to teach her. But we gave her a BofM and astoundingly she read it and prayed about it and was baptized. She stopped attending church a few years later like most I baptized. She moved in with a guy and had a baby a few years ago. Last summer she started going back to church, and her boyfriend started taking the discussions. They got married and are going through the temple next month to be sealed. They both have callings in the church. Vindication that your mission was not a failure is a good thing. WOOT!
You know how scouts like to throw rocks? And they're always told not to? And it always seems silly to them? Well, just below the meadow, on that first snowfield, some rock throwing commenced. And a particularly inept thrower shot a fist-sized rock into the back of the head of the scout standing next to him. A bloody 13mm gash resulted. As we try to assess the damage and stop the bleeding the thrower, feeling bad, says:
Above: "Stupidity Incarnate"
An exclusive look at 'Halo 3 ODST'
Click link to see cool interview with gameplay footage as well.
"Any self-respecting nerd knows who Nathan Fillion is."
So, I'm working at 3 am this week to cover for 2 people on vacation. This means that I don't work on the windows with my usual coworkers. One such, dreading the prospect of another long day without my wit and wisdom to lean on says in a sad voice today:
Caleb, Caleb, wherefore art thou leaving?
Deny thy start-time and refuse thy schedule.
What's in a start-time?
A start-time at any other hour would pay as sweet...
Me: Uh, no. It's actually time and a half for me this way.
Coworker: Oh. *sniff*
******
Customer: I'd like to return this package to the sender.
Caleb: Okay.
Customer: I'd like to use a Smart Label so I don't have to pay for postage.
Caleb: Okay. .... Where is the label?
Customer: Oh, I need one? They might have sent me one, it might be at home, I don't know where it is. Can't I just send it?
Caleb: Sure, just address this label here and we can send it back.
3 minutes later...
Customer: Here you go. Now, do I have to pay for that?
Caleb, squinting: Yes, if you don't have a postage paid return label or Smart Label.
Customer: Well I want to use a Smart Label.
Caleb: Well, you...you have to have one to use one. Just writing the address on a piece of paper doesn't make it a Smart Label. So, I can send it if you want to pay for it, or you can look at home or call the company about a return label.
****
Lady (of course it was), anyone can SAY they want a Smart Label. It takes a special kind of person to actually HAVE a Smart Label.
As you can imagine, we changed the descriptor on those labels after that.
Gaston.
See here for full info and a full cast list.
This is the trail. The reason you can't see it is because it slants away from you at a 60 degree angle for 1700 ft.
We few, we happy few.
Rock silhouette.
I wish I were that cool....
